“Ensuring the success of children in jeopardy by empowering families” means going the extra mile to provide wholistic services to families; services that are comprehensive, empowering but not intrusive. Every 9 seconds a woman is battered in the United States (MA, 1998, Georgia Department of Human Resources, 1999). October is Domestic Violence Awareness month. Families First services include counseling and support services that help families cope with the daily stresses of life that sometimes become seemingly unmanageable and all to often manifest violently.
This week’s blog is about a Families First counseling client who is a domestic violence survivor. After a marriage of more than 19 years and repeated abuse, Martha was able to escape a very violent existence and is on her way to creating a life of freedom and purpose.
Kim Anderson, Families First CEO
She was Silent. She had so many secrets. Walking through her own home, was like walking through a minefield; she never knew what would set him off.
He swore that she was the problem. She was crazy. She needed the help.
Unfortunately she felt alone; that she had no one to trust, no one to confide in.
He threatened her.
She felt it was her fault.
They attended marriage counseling. Things would get better—for awhile.
But he still couldn’t control his anger; He would attack her—violently; unpredictably.
She finally made a decision—for herself.
Martha first came to Families First for marriage counseling in March of 2009. In the counseling sessions, her husband spoke but she was silent. She had so many secrets. Walking through her home, was like walking through a landmine in a war torn foreign country; she never knew what would set him off. So to keep herself safe, she said very little and lived cautiously and fearfully One day she came to counseling with a broken arm. The Families First counselor was suspicious.
“What made him hit you”, the counselor directly asked. Martha was surprised that the counselor knew the truth even though she had lied saying that she was injured by falling. They decided to proceed with separate counseling sessions for Martha and her husband, an intervention that eventually proved to be life changing for Martha.
Slowly but surely Martha began to open up to reveal the truth behind her 19 year marriage. Simultaneously she began to realize that her hurt and pain was not her fault, not deserved and far from normal. Finally, in a bold move, Martha filed for a divorce and obtained a court order of protection against her husband. The next day, she found out that he had filed for a gun permit.
When, the following day, Martha returned to their home to get her clothes and belongings and her husband brutally attacked her blinding her in her right eye. He pulled a knife and he kicked her Neighbors called the police.
With the support of her Families First counselor, that horrific experience only strengthened her resolve. When asked why finally after 19 years of abuse she decided to take action Martha shared, “Families First helped a lot. It helped that I was able to speak to someone. This helped me to realize that I wasn’t the problem. The more I was able to talk and open up, the more I realized that it was not my fault.”
Martha is stronger now. She is bolder. She did not think that she could find the strength to testify against her husband but she did. Her husband is currently incarcerated and Martha is creating a new life for herself. Although things are still difficult, she is on a path towards finding her voice. Having an opportunity to speak to the counselors at Families First gave Martha new sense of self.
